Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group sows seeds of doubt in another person’s mind, making them question their own perception, memory, or sanity. It is a manipulative tactic that aims to gain control and power over the target individual.

Here are some common signs and examples of gaslighting:

1. Denial of reality: The gaslighter may deny or downplay events that the victim remembers clearly, making them doubt their own recollection. For example, if someone confronts their partner about a past argument, the gaslighter might say, “That never happened. You must be imagining things.”

2. Constantly changing the narrative: Gaslighters often alter the facts or the sequence of events to confuse the victim. They might say things like, “You’re remembering it all wrong. It didn’t happen that way.” This causes the victim to question their own memory and perception.

3. Blaming the victim: Gaslighters frequently shift blame onto the victim, making them feel responsible for the gaslighter’s actions or behavior. They might say, “You’re overreacting. It’s your fault I acted this way.”

4. Minimizing and trivializing feelings: Gaslighters belittle the victim’s emotions, making them feel like their feelings are unimportant or unwarranted. For example, if the victim expresses hurt over a hurtful comment, the gaslighter might respond with, “You’re too sensitive. It was just a joke.”

5. Creating doubt and confusion: Gaslighters often employ tactics to make the victim doubt their own sanity or perception of reality. They might say things like, “You’re crazy. That never happened. You’re just imagining things.”

6. Isolation from support networks: Gaslighters often try to isolate the victim from friends, family, or other sources of support. By cutting off external perspectives, they can exert more control over the victim’s thoughts and beliefs.

7. Projection of their own behavior: Gaslighters may project their own negative traits or actions onto the victim, making the victim believe they are the ones at fault. For example, if a gaslighter is cheating on their partner, they might accuse the partner of being unfaithful without any evidence.

It’s important to note that gaslighting can occur in various types of relationships, such as romantic partnerships, family dynamics, friendships, or even in professional settings. The effects of gaslighting can be highly damaging to a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and overall mental well-being. If you suspect that you are a victim of gaslighting, it is crucial to seek support from trusted individuals, friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and help you regain a sense of clarity and self-assurance.

Phrases to shut down gaslighting in any situation

  • “We remember things differently.”
  • “If you continue to speak to me like this I’m not engaging.”
  • “I hear you and that isn’t my experience.”
  • “I am walking away from this conversation.”
  • “I am not interested in debating what happened with you.”
  • “I will speak to you about [A+B]. I’m not willing to speak to you about [C].”

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